What sort of tree am I?

Suzanne Breen says that "Christmas trees are like men. It's important to pick the right one". And, here's what she has to say about the tree outside Belfast City Hall

[i]t's 27 years old and was raised in Botanic Gardens, but it's certainly no looker - and it's dressed appallingly. It seems lop-sided. It has neither poise nor presence.

Poise? Presence? Aren't we talking about a tree here?

Now I'm worried. What does all this say about me that my wife mentioned the other day that "pretty soon that ragged, old artificial tree is going to have to go"?

I'd better get back on that exercise bike! And, maybe I should take up that health food thing that I've been mocking for years.